Slow Burn
d. Wayne Beach / 2005 / USA / 93 mins
Viewed on: Channel Five (UK)

Oh, the quality!

Witness the greatness:
“She smelt like a tangerine…”
“She’s a trick of the light…”
“She looks like Celine Dion after spending too long in the sun.”
“Gasleak! Gasleak! GASLEAK!”

And the Academy Award for Most Confusing Use of Multiple, Layer-Upon-Layer Flashbacks Ever goes to…


And the Academy Award for Worst Dialogue Spoken by All Characters in the Same Semi-Garbled ‘Urban’ Patois goes to…

SLOW BURN AGAIN! Wow, these guys are cleaning up!

Need more proof? It stars Ray Liotta and the ‘baddie’ has a nasty habit of taping every single episode of Friends on individual VHS tapes. Man, this shit is messed up, right here!

Still not convinced? Watch the damn trailer:

Still, it’s better than Harry Brown

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